Connecting at the Speed of Trust
May 28th, 2008 by Linda Naiman
By Dianne Legro
Do you know what builds trust within the first crucial moments of meeting someone?
If you are marketing to other professionals, or mentoring or fostering conscious growth in any of its forms in the corporate arena, humanities, arts or sciences you know that there is nothing as fast or as transformative as trust, be it self trust, team trust, or universal trust. Things go smoothly, relationships deepen, and projects simplify and come easily into being when trust is strong.
The first few seconds of meeting between two people are driven by instinctive reactions. Each person makes unconscious, unthinking appraisals that have to do with assessing their own safety. “I do/don’t feel safe with you” and “I do/don’t trust you.” This animal instinct is our fight or flight response. We are super alert at a subconscious level until we assess how safe we are to reveal ourselves and how fast we can reveal ourselves.
Becoming aware of this fact is key to the progress of the relationship. Here are four things people register instantly that you can add to your awareness for more success when you are meeting new people.
1. Attitude- Your attitude is the first thing people pick up on. It is an option to consciously choose your attitude. Based on testing of this in my field we know the three best to choose are: enthusiastic, curious, and humility. The number one people factor most admired by others is health and vitality. Are you putting energy in the room? Are you encouraging growth and giving rather than taking?
2. Body Language- is 60% of what we communicate about ourselves. You want your body language to be open (high heart in open chest) facing your new meet. You want to mirror the person you are speaking with. Be subtle, but reciprocate in kind with similar gestures and vocal inflections. Why? (We) People trust others who seem to be like us.
3. Eye Contact- Look people in the eye and smile. In most cultures this is the fastest way to let people know you are happy to be with them. (When traveling, do research this-in SOME cultures (France for one) a smiling stranger can be interpreted as an approaching con.
4. Voice- Lower the pitch of your voice. It signifies your competence, self-esteem, confidence and authority. When we are stressed our voices get tight and small, or forced others interpret this as “overwhelmed” or “disconnected” from yourself. Unfortunately this creates skepticism about your effectiveness and sincerity.
These are four things that contribute to connecting instantly with high trust. By no means are they ALL the relevant factors, but they do help with initial trust building and rapport with audiences and individual interviews.
Dianne Legro is a top presentation skills coach and owner of Speaking Success International, a firm providing outstanding communication coaching and consulting to individuals, teams and client systems. Contact Dianne at 805-534-9535 and visit www.speakingsuccessinternational.com.
[...] Comments « Connecting at the Speed of Trust [...]
It is indeed true that sense of trust is very important for people to connect. In a workplace where level of trust is very low, it is very difficult to get the staff to open up and trully say what they want to say. Usually if the level of trust is low, creative output will in most instances be correspondingly low. With a low ‘trust’ level, comes a sense of discomfort and fear. The unwillingness to ‘rock the boat’ will overwhelm the sense of creativeness that is waiting to surface.Thus, there is no need for managers to spend resources and money to send their staff for creativity training. Give them the trust and minimise the fear, creativity will surface naturally.
All of the elements mentioned are vital if you want to establish trust with another. To those who try to remember their body language, eye contact, attitude etc it may seem to be a confusing and manipulative way to connect.
If you want all these elements to seamlessly exist and come into play you simply need to adopt a particular viewpoint. The whole key (in my opinion) to behaviour is the viewpoint you adopt when first confronted with new data, information, knowledge or another individual.
I won’t go into all the ramifications of this as it could take 50,000 words and still not do the subject justice. But there is a simple way to ensure you have the best chance of engendering trust.
Expect the positive from the meeting
Be honest in your appraisal of the other
Have genuine regard for the other person
Find something about the other person you can admire or respect
If you adopt these simple views you will certainly create a positive “vibe” and in so doing attract the reciprocal.
Peple search for equlibrium in life and if you offer a positive outlook and grant the other person the most precious gift of all, your undivided attention and concern, you will be richly rewarded.
Ollie Lind
howcani.com.au
Dianne Legro Replies,
Ollie puts his finger right on the issue of who we become when we take time with each other in a welcoming spirit, listen without preparing to respond, allow eye contact, and use generative emotions and language with each other. I am always asked in my workshops and trainings for professionals on “Connecting at The Speed of Trust”- “How can I remember all of this?” It is my favorite question of the day. It allows me to say, “You don’t. It is who you become.” Many professionals have needed to hear the ways we do evaluate each other. I am hoping my work helps people become leaders who invite authentic, respectful, rewarding conversations and interactions. It is helpful to begin at embodied learning, I have found it the most powerful point of entry to transformation.
I recently mentored and titled a wonderful book for a client that illuminates this topic furthur as he applied it a fortune 500 company. Have a look at “Humanity at Work, Inspiring Truth, Spirit and Accomplishment to Flourish in the Workplace” by Santo Costa ESQ.
He is an amazing leader who embodies trust and truth and more.
Dianne
http://www.diannelegro.com